Insanity

I've been gone a LONG time! Yikes! A lot has happened since I've blogged. I've gained some weight (sad face) , I got divorced (another sad face), and not I'm going back to school! (Yay face!)

I'm thinking I need to get back into the habit of blogging. It made me accountable to myself at the end of the day. I got down to a size 8, and I was comfortable there. I'm now back into 12's and they're getting tight! I know it does NOT help that I work fast food, but I am in school and hoping to rectify that situation soon. I'm going into nursing and hoping to end up in a career as an LPN. I'll be too busy to snack all day. Right now I'm trying to figure out how I can afford to go to school full time, so I can get out of working fast food as soon as possible. I also need to look into learning a new coping mechanism. When I'm mad, I eat. When I'm stressed, I eat. It's not a good cycle for a single mom, with four kids, that's working and going to school.

I've already made the first step by backing off soda again. I let myself get hopelessly addicted to diet coke again, but I've slowed down, a lot lately. I spent about a week without pop to break the craving, and I limit myself to one a day now. Next, I need to figure out how to move more. I know I'm not getting enough exercise to lose weight. I need to find some me time and get sweaty everyday! I'm working on controlling my portions again too. I'm not very good at dieting, I don't know why, but being ON A DIET makes me hungry! But I am also working on eating less at each setting. I'm telling myself, again, that it's okay to leave food on my plate when I'm done. I guess it's a blessing to have a 12 year old boy that's a bottomless pit? He'll eat mom's leftovers in a heartbeat! Ha ha. They're small steps, and I don't want to take them all too fast, because I'm worried that I'll get overwhelmed and give up. I want to lose about 30 or 40 pounds. That will put me back where I felt great, and looked okay to.

I missed my blog, and I'm hoping to post more regularly now.
Wish me luck!

12 mo. post op appointment

My appointment went pretty well. I to get an ultrasound of my gall bladder, because Dr. Nelson thinks I might be having gall bladder attacks. Minor set back, and I trust her explicitly. I'm having the ultrasound done on the 8th, so I'll let you know the results when I do. Other than that, we're all pleased with where I am now. I feel great, this year. I added an updated photo for you guys. I haven't really lost much in the past couple months, but I am still getting smaller. Exact opposite of my first 6 week post op appointment. I'd lost a considerable amount of weight, but I was still the same size that I'd been before surgery. I'm still twenty pounds away from the goal that Dr. Nelson set for m, but I've made the goals I set for myself.









This is Erica, Dr. Nelson's PA, and I on the 28th. (left) Erica is the nicest person. She's so encouraging and sweet! She always so happy to see you! This is Dr. Nelson, my surgeon, and I. (right) I love Dr. Nelson, she gave me back my life. Gave my kids back their mom. Thank you guys! You two are the best!

I've been watching this season's biggest loser. I love that show, I used to want to be on it! The whole being on camera in a sports bra and spandex short though....just thinking about it made me want to throw up! I don't think I could have done that! Kuddos to the women brave enough to inspire us all! It's inspired me to get my stationary bike out. I should exercise more than I do, it's just hard to find the time. I work nights, sleep while my kids are in school, and help them with homework and spend time with them for a couple hours before I have to head out for work. My bike is something I can do while I watch TV, because it's super quiet. Now if I could figure out how to do that, and be online at the same time, ha ha ha! The only problem I have is after a few minutes the seat becomes extremely uncomfortable! It didn't used to be that way, but I guess I'm missing some padding back there that I used to have. I don't know what I can do, if anything, to make the seat more comfortable. I need to try padding it, or something. Anyone got any ideas? I'm thinking, or hoping, that on my days off it might be nice to go on a walk with the kids after dinner. It's starting to get chilly here at night already. It's usually still pretty warm this time of year. I know Halloween's gonna be really cold!

I am having some qualms about exercising though. I know they're probably silly. I'm just about where I want to be size wise. I wouldn't be bothered by losing one more size, but I don't want to get smaller than a size 6. Personally my goal was somewhere between a 6 and a 10. Right now I'm a size 8. I'm afraid of losing too much. I don't want to lose so much that I don't look or feel healthy. I can't wrap my mind around a size 4. I'm happy where I'm at now. I know the importance of exercise and I want to be fit. How to I exercise and get fit without losing too much more?

Those are my thoughts for today. That's what's going on with me! Hope everyone is enjoying their week!

I'm BAAAAAAAAAAAACCKKKK!!!!

I'm down about ten more pounds since my last post! YAY, go me! I'm going to be a year post op tomorrow. I can't believe it's gone by so fast, and with hardly any set backs! It's been a bumpy road, and a lot as happened this year, but as far as the surgery front goes, it's been smooth sailing.

a look back......

A year ago today I weighed nearly 300 pounds! I was struggling to zip up my size 22 pants, and no matter how big my shirts were, I was never quite comfortable. I could hardly do anything without being short of breath, and I couldn't even begin to keep up with the pace of my kids! My solution was Dr. Lana Nealson of Oklahoma Weight Loss Options (OWLO). I contacted my health insurance company to find out what I had to do to get them to cover the cost of my surgery, and to find a surgeon that accepted my insurance. I called, set up my first appointment and went to my seminar. I learned that it was going to be a change that I would have to commit to, something I would need to do for the rest of my life. There's a lot more to it than surgery, and eating right afterwards. There are rules to follow, supplements to take, vitamins that are needed. I went to a few support groups, and learned a lot. The couple months between my first appointment and my surgery flew by. I began to see the life I could have, the one that was waiting for me. I won't go as far to say that Dr. Nealson saved my life. I could have gone on for quite awhile just the way I was. Dr. Nealson did something much more for me, she gave me my life back. The only thing worse that losing life, is to watch it pass you by.

I still look in the mirror, and don't particularly like what I see. But now I can go shopping, and the clothes fit, so they're too big. I actually squeezed into a pair of size 8 blue jeans a couple weeks ago. I'm a size 10, and the fit perfectly, if not a bit too big. I can run a mile, and while I still sweat my butt off, I don't feel faint at the end of it, I'm not out of breath. I can keep up with my kids now. I can chase them around the back yard, and swim all day at the lake. My blood pressure is fixed, and I've lost a total of 133 pounds today. I still yo yo back and forth about five pounds. I got down to 161 at one point. I've learned what I can and can't eat. I've learned that moderation is better than denying myself all the treats all the time. Things are better now than they've been in a very long time.

I'm starting to look into plastic surgery now. I've got a bit of that excess skin going on. It's mostly around my gut. It's the hardest part to lose, well I lost it, but it's still there, just not fun to look at. I'd also like to get my breast fixed, they've deflated and they're pretty gross too. The final thing I'd like to get done is my arms. I've got the bat flaps going on, and if strength training doesn't help them I'd like to get that taken care of too.

Today, I'm as happy as I could have ever expected to be. My surgery has changed my life in ways I never imagined possible! My children are happier and healther for the changes I've made, and the changes that have happened in the past year. Thank you Dr. Nealson, you are truely a god send. Thank you OWLO, for teaching me everything I'd need to know, and not letting me walk blindly into the rest of my life. Thank you Mom, for holding my hand, while I got this done. I couldn't have done this without you! And a special thanks to my babies. I would have never saw a reason to fix me, if it hadn't been for them. Today, I'm looking forward to the rest of my life. I see a future there, I never saw before.

Getting Frustrated

I'm getting frustrated now. With OWLO, the first step of your surgery is attended one of their seminars. I did that June 25th. There you are told that they will be submitting your surgery to your insurance company for approval. You are warned that it could take about two or three weeks before they hear back. They also let you know that SOME insurance companies have prerequisites before allowing any type of weightloss surgery. My insurance company, however, does not. They only require you to be 100 pounds overweight with one co-morbidity (health issue directly associated with your weight) or that you be 200% of your ideal body weight (you weight twice what you should). I qualify, under those terms, so they'll cover my surgery.

I followed the guidelines set by my insurance. I got the referral from my PCM. I found the place I want(ed) to have my surgery. I was approved to see the OWLO team. I called them, and did everything I can do, so far. I went to the seminar. I submitted my patient packet and insurance information. Two weeks after the seminar I hear nothing from OWLO. I call to find out, that they haven't even begun working on insurance approvals for my seminar! Fine, maybe they're busy. Later that week, I receive a call, to let me know they are about to process my insurance approval, but alas my insurance doesn't cover the type of surgery that I originally wanted. I tell them to submit the approval for a RNY. She informs me that it usually takes a few days before they hear back, but she'll call and schedule my first appointment as soon as they get the approval.

Now here's the doozie.....My insurance company approved it the same day. Eleven days ago, and I've heard nothing back from OWLO. I tried to call, and was basically brushed off, or so I feel. It's irritating. The military is going to let my husband come home for the surgery, and take care of the kids while I recover. But his unit is set to deploy soon, so it's vitally important to us that I get in there, and get this underway. I need to have my surgery, I'm guessing, sometime in September, for him to be able to take the month of leave my surgery would require to recover! I feel like they're lolly-gagging! I've done everything I can do so far! I've been exercising....mostly swimming lately. I had, at one point, given up Diet Coke, because you can't have it afterwards. I'm an emotional eater though. In my frustration, instead of binging on food, I started drinking diet coke again. I've quit many times before, so I know I can do it again, it's not exactly hard for me to do, but it takes a week or two before I stop craving it. (It's my weakness, I admit it.)

(Wow, this is long) I called OWLO yesterday.....left a voice mail.....ugh. I apologized for being a pain in the arse, but I tried to convey my urgency as well. If I can't get in there, and get my part done ASAP, I'm afraid it'll be to late and my husband won't be able to take leave. We've been apart for 23 months already. My kids and I have spent 6 weeks of that with him, and that's IT! If I don't get this done sometime in September, I'm afraid my kids will lose any chance of seeing their dad before he deploys!

I need this surgery. I'm the first to admit it. But we need to see him before he leaves for a year, again. I just wish OWLO would help me out a bit, by doing their part too. I need them to call me back, so I can set up that first appointment. I've got the money for the evaluations, and the pre-op supplements. On payday I'll have the money for the post-op supplements. I've done everything I can do.....it's their turn, right?? If I don't have an appointment by the 25th of July, I'm afraid I'm going to have to look elsewhere to get this done. I was really looking forward to having this done with OWLO, but I'm getting frustrated.


current weight: 292 pounds =(

Back in the saddle again.

I moved back in August, and I haven't blogged since then. Things have really gone downhill weight wise. My stress, while still there, is less than it ever was in Germany. But now I eat out more, because I can, and things have gone from bad to worse. My clothes are tight again, and I hate that. My husband's coming home in 18 days, and the holidays are right around the corner, so it's going to be tough, but I can do it. With Paul home I'll be able to exercise some more, and that will help. I've also requested that my church start thinking about offering low cost aerobics or exercise classes with child care for the women in the area. I could probably afford either or, but I can't hack gym membership fees and a sitter. I also found this great new website. (www.weightlossbuddy.com) You can sign up for free, and they have some really neat tools that I think will help. You can also become a premium member for 40 bucks a year. I'm gonna give the free memebership a go and see what happens. I might treat myself to a premium membership for Christmas or something. I've got their calendar thing going, and left myself some wiggle room. I would like to lose 2 to 3 pounds a week. I'm really hoping this will help keep me on track. I lose focus easily, and I need help staying motivated. This site also connects you to other people trying to lose weight. You have the option to be "buddies" through email, over the phone, or in person. I wanted to get the word out, because there aren't many women in my area that have signed up for it, and those who have haven't logged in for months now. Even so, the neat little tools are worth checking it out.

Well, I'm offically starting over at 276.0 (one pound down from yesterday!) I hope those of you out there that were reading and commenting now, will come back again. You encouraged me and helped me when I'd had a bad week. Thanks so much for your support! Sarah