I'm back, and having issues!!!

I'm back online, thank goodness! I thought I might literally go INSANE! Well almost, nearly go insane. The finally fixed my phone line, said there was some lines crossed, so they'd shorted out or something. I don't really get it. I just want it to work all the time, lmao.

On to issues! I'm having size issues again. I'm currently a size 22, I think. The pants and tops I wear are a size 22 or a 3X. I have some 22's that I ordered long ago, out of a catalog, that never fit. I don't know if they're just sized different than what you buy at the store, or what the deal is. Anywho, I'm really looking forward to being post-op and getting into some of my old clothes. I still have LOTS of 20's and 18's even. I'm really really looking forward to being able to shop in the misses department again! The problem is, I have an "ideal" size in mind. I know you don't get to pick what size you end up....otherwise every overweight person would do this, right? If I'm completely honest with myself I want to be somewhere in the 8 to 10 size range. I would LOVE to be a size 8, and I would be completely satisfied if I stopped losing at a 10 or a 12 even! However, I dare not say I'd be happy at a 6, not in front of my mom. She got upset with me, and told me an 8 was TOO small! She wants me to be a 10 or a 12. I don't know why she's so adamant about it! She gets really mad and hateful anytime I mention people I've talk to, who've had WLS, and they're a 6 or smaller! I met a woman at my support group meeting that had gone from a size 24 to a size 0! That's amazing! I mean, I wouldn't personally want to be that small, but she looked great to me! I made the mistake of mentioning it to my mom, and she got MAD at me! Her exact words were, "Well Sarah, I hope YOU (said "you" really hatefully) don't want to do that.....cause that's NOT even cute." I've learned, finally, not to even talk about what size I might be when I'm "done" losing weight. She always seems to hurt my feelings when we talk about it.

The thing is, I'm excited about the possibilities! I WANT to talk about it! I want to dream of the future! I want to fantasize about going shopping, and buying a size 8 pair of jeans! I want to thumb through catalogs and look at all the pretty things I'll be able to wear this time next year! My Mom wants me to have this surgery. She can't stand that I'm fat. But she only wants me to lose so much. She does NOT want me to get smaller than a 10, and keeps telling me to shoot for a 12! It's like she wants me to do this, and she wants me to be excited, but not TOO excited! I've never thought I deserved to lose weight and feel good about myself. When she gets hateful about me being that small someday it's like she's saying, she would like my to be a normal size, and fairly happy.....but not too happy. It's frustrating. No one around me really understands. While most people are supportive...most don't seem as optimistic as I am.

So, you awesome peoples are my support! You've been there, you've done it! AND....YOU don't have a problem with me being a size 8 sometime! Woot woot! Love you guys, hope you all enjoy your weekend!