Thoughts for June 4th

I have decided that "diet" is a four letter word. One that I'm no longer comfortable saying. Dieting feels and sounds restrictive. You can't eat this, you're not suppose to have that. I have never found the will power to say no to food. Perhaps that's why I find myself in a size 22 pant?
I lead a fairly stressful childhood. The overwhelming stress lead to depression in my early teens, perhaps even sooner. I can honestly say that I've NEVER looked in the mirror and liked what I saw. As a matter of a fact, I can remember vividly, standing in front of my grandmothers full length mirror, in tears, at 13. I had just been informed that I "had curves" like they were something ugly or vile. In my later teen years my grandmother rarely failed to mention my expanding waistline. Not knowing, that as she did so, she was driving me into the only comfort I've ever known.....FOOD. I can't just drop food and begin a dieter's lifestyle. As much as I long to be a "normal" size, my emotions rule out common sense. For the past decade I have turned to food. When I'm angry I eat. When I'm upset I eat. When I'm bored I eat. Now I am, not only unhealthy, but uncomfortable as well. I know the had come for a change, but can I do it? I, who have no will power? Me, who turns to food for comfort an a near daily basis? Yes, I think so. It's time for a change. I do not begin a diet today, but rather the path to a healthier me. One in which I do not deny myself but make better decisions. One in which I am determined to change. I want to feel good. I want to be healthy. I want to look in the mirror and like what I see.