Thoughts for June 8th

Today my thought are centered around accountability. I've tried to "diet" too many times to count. This is day five, no big deal, I know. But this is a big accomplishment for me. I have no will power, so every time I put my self on a diet I cave after two or three days. So, instead of telling myself no all the time, I'm trying to make better choices most of the time. I don't feel deprived and I'm not hungry and that's important to me. I don't like the word no. I don't like when my kids tell me no, and I don't like it when I tell me no. It would be easy to lie about what I ate or convince myself why something I shouldn't eat, is really okay. But it all comes back to accountability. I have to be accountable for the decisions I make. I can't lie to myself about what I ate, or how much. Writing it down makes it look so small sometimes, but I realized now, that grabbing food is an automatic act for me. I can grab a bag of Baked Lays, intending to only eat a handful. The next thing I know, the bag was half gone! I can't hide from myself and say I didn't eat all those! Writing this daily journal is helping in it's own way too. It's easier to see patterns and predict screw ups. Besides, when I'm writing, I'm not eating. I'm forcing myself to think about the things I'm doing wrong. It shows me how I did this. No more excuses, no more hiding. Shifting gears, today wasn't so good. We went to the movies and the junk food was calling me. It was a "date" with my kids. We ate out, snacked at the movies. It was fun, but I'm not going to do it that way again for awhile. Maybe next time we'll go bowling?